Thursday, May 31, 2012

Philly Summers: Or sunblock and sewers

The sweltering heat, the sour smells, the fashionably challenged, the cranky citizens, the extremely annoying tourists.

Fact:
  • Philadelphia in the summer does not always smell that great: wafts of sewers, eau de body odor, rotting garbage.
  • Women tend to dress like trannie hookers
  • Trannie hookers tend to dress like trannie hookers
  • Men dress in appalling shorts, baggy shirts and flip flops. I prefer the trannie hookers.

Do:
  • Wear shirts that cover your midriff. If your stomach is flat enough to show, chances are you're too young to be showing it, Lolita.
  • Go to John's Water Ice on 7th and Christian - it's a great summer treat and you won't have to deal with the tourists lining the block for Rita's.
  • Sit outside and enjoy the sun:
    • More Than Just Ice Cream @ 11th and Locust
    • Kanella @ 10th and Spruce
    • Beau Monde (even though I've had such crappy service there) @6th and Bainbridge
    • Parc (even though many of the clientele are douchebags) @ 18th and Rittenhouse
Don't:
  • Wear flipflops! Dear lord, we are in a CITY! Flipflops are for shower stalls, the beach and hotel carpets!
  • Wear cut-off jean shorts in public, you're no Daisy Duke. In fact, Daisy Duke is no Daisy Duke.
  • 
    She still looks great. My only point is that unless you are 17 and living in the country, don't wear these shorts.
    
  • Forget your deodorant. Yes, I know, you're all natural. You think your sweat doesn't smell. You. Are. WRONG.  

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