Thursday, May 31, 2012

Philly Summers: Or sunblock and sewers

The sweltering heat, the sour smells, the fashionably challenged, the cranky citizens, the extremely annoying tourists.

  • Philadelphia in the summer does not always smell that great: wafts of sewers, eau de body odor, rotting garbage.
  • Women tend to dress like trannie hookers
  • Trannie hookers tend to dress like trannie hookers
  • Men dress in appalling shorts, baggy shirts and flip flops. I prefer the trannie hookers.

  • Wear shirts that cover your midriff. If your stomach is flat enough to show, chances are you're too young to be showing it, Lolita.
  • Go to John's Water Ice on 7th and Christian - it's a great summer treat and you won't have to deal with the tourists lining the block for Rita's.
  • Sit outside and enjoy the sun:
    • More Than Just Ice Cream @ 11th and Locust
    • Kanella @ 10th and Spruce
    • Beau Monde (even though I've had such crappy service there) @6th and Bainbridge
    • Parc (even though many of the clientele are douchebags) @ 18th and Rittenhouse
  • Wear flipflops! Dear lord, we are in a CITY! Flipflops are for shower stalls, the beach and hotel carpets!
  • Wear cut-off jean shorts in public, you're no Daisy Duke. In fact, Daisy Duke is no Daisy Duke.
    She still looks great. My only point is that unless you are 17 and living in the country, don't wear these shorts.
  • Forget your deodorant. Yes, I know, you're all natural. You think your sweat doesn't smell. You. Are. WRONG.  

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