Philly Summers: Or sunblock and sewers

The sweltering heat, the sour smells, the fashionably challenged, the cranky citizens, the extremely annoying tourists.

Fact:

• Philadelphia in the summer does not always smell that great: wafts of sewers, eau de body odor, rotting garbage.
• Women tend to dress like trannie hookers
• Trannie hookers tend to dress like trannie hookers
• Men dress in appalling shorts, baggy shirts and flip flops. I prefer the trannie hookers.

Do:

• Wear shirts that cover your midriff. If your stomach is flat enough to show, chances are you're too young to be showing it, Lolita.
• Go to John's Water Ice on 7th and Christian - it's a great summer treat and you won't have to deal with the tourists lining the block for Rita's.
• Sit outside and enjoy the sun:
• More Than Just Ice Cream @ 11th and Locust
• Kanella @ 10th and Spruce
• Beau Monde (even though I've had such crappy service there) @6th and Bainbridge
• Parc (even though many of the clientele are douchebags) @ 18th and Rittenhouse

Don't:

• Wear flipflops! Dear lord, we are in a CITY! Flipflops are for shower stalls, the beach and hotel carpets!
• Wear cut-off jean shorts in public, you're no Daisy Duke. In fact, Daisy Duke is no Daisy Duke.




She still looks great. My only point is that unless you are 17 and living in the country, don't wear these shorts.


• Forget your deodorant. Yes, I know, you're all natural. You think your sweat doesn't smell. You. Are. WRONG.  

Fort Delaware: Or a kind of lame fort that you have to take a ferry to

Fact:

• My boyfriend (hi boo!) lives in Delaware and this fort is not really all that easy to get to via public transportation from Philadelphia but if you have a car it could be a fun trip. Maybe.
• Fort Delaware is on Pea Patch Island (one mile east of Delaware City) and in 1951 was made one of Delaware's first state parks.

• You have to take a ferry to get to the island and it's not that cheap but it is the best part of the trip.
• Construction on the fort began in 1819, then was destroyed by fire in 1832. The present fort was built in 1859. It closed in 1944.  
• 2,700 confederate soldiers died while prisoners at the fort.

Transport:

• Three Forts Ferry

Cost:

• $11 for adults
• $6 for children

Do:

• Try going a little later in the season. They have more activities.
• Go the third weekend in August for Garrison Weekend if you're into seeing reenactors doing infantry formations and artillery drills. And come on, who isn't? (Me. )
• Look for herons - they nest on the island.

Don't:

• Tease the guy in historical garb about his ability to play a sand bag tossing game as it may turn out that he is slightly handicapped.
• Expect a colonial Williamsburg type of experience.  Though it does make me think of this...